Life has both blessings and danger for those who care
For those who are naturally more caring, life is full of tough decisions. Which causes will you support and how? I am not about to decide that for you. However, here are some considerations about caring.
The Partial Fixes
Emotions are catalysts for action. It’s how we are made. Feel something; react to it.
Caring moves you to take action that can make another life less harsh, even if it is not a total fix. Caring about others fuels kindness, compassion, and empathy.
This beautiful, broken world needs all the caring it can get. Caring is a precious commodity that should be nurtured and protected.
If people didn’t care, there would be no charities. There are many good causes out there. Supporting those that are meaningful to you, makes the world a kinder place.
You can research the integrity of any registered charity by requesting their financial statements. This will tell you what percent of your giving goes to the work you want to support, compared to other expenses. You don’t have to give to every cause. Thoughtful giving helps protect you from scams.
When searching for ‘how to find a charity’s financial reports,’ Charity Navigator was just one of many available articles or organizations. The specific charity you are interested in supporting should not hesitate to provide you with this information as well.
A thoughtful approach to caring on a personal level is wise too.
Sustainable Caring
Some folks despair and stop caring because, for example, there will always be those who are poor. Similarly, researching cures for many debilitating medical conditions can take years to bear fruit. In a time of instant gratification, accepting that some things can’t be quickly or completely fixed, can be extra challenging.
The attrition of caring happens when the focus of kindness moves to a large general view, wanting bigger or quicker fixes.
In contrast, a closer view encourages compassion. Considering the potential impact of the gift on the individual recipients brings a more sustainable meaning to giving. Giving can spark hope for individuals where there is none, even if the larger problem persists.
Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.
— Mother Teresa
We each only have one day, one moment at a time. It is good to help someone’s moments be better than they might be without our help.
That attitude helped me care for my father as his Alzheimer’s progressed. I knew Dad would not remember my visit, but I took comfort in the fact that for the time I was with him, I could make him smile. Right up to almost his last day, he would smile, pat my arm, and say, ‘It’s you, just you.’ Making those moments happy for him mattered.
The Unfixables
Some things can’t be fixed.
Life is a mind-staggering miracle. Life is also a bitch. For most people, you don’t get to any number where the candles don’t fit well on the birthday cake without some unbearable hurt coming straight at you.
When someone has a harsh diagnosis, when a much-loved friend or family member has passed away, these have no fix. Sometimes coming alongside someone’s pain means accepting that you can’t fix it.
There is still a way to help. That is, be there and listen.
In my moments of overwhelming sorrow, the friends who still wanted to be with me mattered. They heard my moaning, and that made the pain a bit less. That bit less? It mattered a whole lot.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
— Shania Twain
Feeling someone’s hurt and being unable to fix it, can be frustrating. Be assured, if the hurt is unfixable, your faithfulness still matters. Possibly even more.
The Worst Hurt
Bodies fail and fade. Accidents happen that devastate us physically and emotionally. These are dreadful hurts, but there is a hurt that is the most terrible of all.
That is the hurt purposely inflicted on others by people who do not care.
Time ago I thought everyone cared. I was so optimistic. It took me years to accept the fact that there are people who like hurting other people. This still makes me feel nauseated — hits me right in the gut.
It didn’t end there. I also had to learn that some of these people can’t be fixed. Even with professional help, they will never change.
I am not a psychologist. Yet it was essential to understand to be able to react appropriately. The appropriate reaction is boundaries.
When the hurtful actions are extreme, that boundary must also be extreme; no contact — period.
To put that in place, meant that I had to stop caring for the other person.
Learning to ‘care less’ does not come naturally. I took time to be able to understand, accept, and then apply the boundaries.
Boundaries can be both a test and a door to freedom. If the abuser disrespects smaller boundaries, make bigger ones until you are free. Find a support network during this transition to help keep you safe.
Conclusions
Life is short: the flash of a falling star, the flight of leaves in autumn. It is fascinating that no matter how intensely we live our lives, we are forgotten in two generations. And like Dad, even if we are more aware of time than he was toward the end, we still only have each moment to live.
There are moments to care in practical ways. Give to those with needs without judging. Support worthwhile causes that touch your heart. On a personal level, there are times when caring enough to listen can help.
There are moments to stop caring. Watch out for the haters, some can’t be fixed. Keep yourself safe.
Live your life so that someone else’s moments are happier. It matters.
Caring matters.
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