Suddenly I was Crying
And I didn’t know why.
I was browsing notes on Substack when it happened.
Someone had posted,
Be brave, dear heart.— C.S. Lewis
and suddenly I was crying.
I don’t cry often these days. Why did that quote touch me so deeply?
Here is my convoluted journey to a conclusion that gives me peace.
I am at a crossroads in my life. After 25 years of full-time teaching, I am leaving behind in-person teaching. I still teach interactive online art courses —so it is semi-retirement.
Some courage is required to take this step. I had been pondering it for over a year before I finally decided.
Even as I write this, it doesn’t fit at all as a reason to be crying. Especially considering that there are a multitude of other reasons that folks have to cry that are much more significant than my transition into retirement. Talk about being weeny! What else could it be?
I watched my parents struggle and lose battles. Dad with Alzheimer’s and Mom with afflictions that took away her mobility. Golly, that was sad. I had no time to cry then — too busy trying to make their lives the best that could be hoped for — considering. Now they are both recently gone it could be a delayed reaction on my part. Possibly.
Emotions can be a stewpot with multiple causes. I may never know why that quote made me cry.
Or — maybe I have focused on the wrong part of the quote. Maybe it wasn’t about being brave. Maybe I was crying because those words “dear heart” suddenly broke through my grown-up barriers of poise, to a place that responds to love.
Yes. This feels right.
The Narnia Chronicles were a place I could escape to as a child. These books are a magical place where fiction speaks deep truths — highly recommended to all you book lovers if you have not read them yet.
Meanwhile, what can I do except go with the flow? The flow of tears that is.
Many questions go unanswered. Enough with the navel-gazing over here. I don’t have to understand exactly why I was crying, and in this, I find my peace.
The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.— Blaise Pascal
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Cheryl O Art writes on Substack